A Scientific Inquiry into Santa Claus ( its funny )
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa
has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish,
& Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total
 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household,
that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time
zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,
Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of
these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth
(which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our
calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household,
a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us
must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding & etc.
So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound.
For purposes of comparison, the fastest manmade vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space
probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run,
tops, 15 miles/hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child
gets nothing more than a mediumsized lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying
321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lb. Even granting that
"flying reindeer" (see #1) could pull 10 TIMES the normal amount,
we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9 reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases
the payload  not counting the weight of the sleigh  to 353,430 tons. This is four
times the weight of the oceanliner Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance.
This will heat up the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering
the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION
joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost
instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic
booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426
of a second. Meanwhile, Santa will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times
greater than gravity. A 250lb Santa (seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to
the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force.
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
